fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Thursday, June 9,12:25 AM

I don't know how to feel now. Actually I just feel really exhausted right now yet I can't get to sleep.

So many things I wish had never happened. What can I do?

My debit account was hacked and money was transacted to some unknown place. Just because the site for reservation of hotel wasn't safe. I just.. Can't process that. I'm not sure if I realize how much money I have lost or whether I care at all.

Then came the reservation problems. If my card is cancelled then what would become of all my reservations to that card? What if my booking is canceled? And we find ourselves with no place to stay? So much for the carefully planned itinerary.

And it's all the people problem. I honestly would love for you to go. But I want you to be happy that you're going. If not what's the point. I'm just so stressed up right now. Trying to be strong for everything that's happening and all my worries about making the plan perfect so everyone will enjoy it.

I'm really honestly super excited about it. But I'm not sure if I can handle taking the responsibility for the whole group. What if something happens.

My mum had an accident today. She tripped and fell. Had a huge gash on her face. Everyone says I'm brave yeah. Cause I know I have to be. .__. This is growing up I guess. Everything becomes part of life. But it's scary. Honestly I'm really frightened. What if one of us gets hurt on the trip? I don't know if I can take responsibility for that. I am after all the planner but I need everyone to know that their safety is their responsibility too.

And just feeling so afraid of losing what I have. My family, my friends. They just mean too much to me.

I think that was the main reason I wanted to be a doctor. So that if ever any of them gets injured or seriously I'll I want to be able to help. I hate sitting and watching people I love get medical attention and I'm not able to help. Idk. That feeling of uselessness.

Sigh. I need a lot more faith. In God. Not in Man. I realized. Well yes. Life has been throwing a lot of things at me to handle. I thank You that I've been able to stay strong so far with Your peace and Your strength. Thank You for You because I know that with You things are in control and they're going according to plan. Help me to remember. Remember how I've made it through life thus far. Because of my reliance on You.

But please please please more than anything else I pray that You will watch over my family and friends, my loved ones. Surround them with angels to 'guard [them] in all [their] ways; lift [them] up in their hands, so that [they] will not strike [their] foot against a stone' (Psalm 91:11-12).

Okay wait. .__. More than that, help me to trust Your faithfulness in bringing me through and supporting me when 'my foot is slipping'. After all men perish and we have to deal with it. It's life!! Hahahaha but this bitter pill is so much easier to swallow when God is in the picture. (:

You'll always be my bestest friend. Thank you.