fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Monday, January 16,1:14 AM

Today was fun. (:

Each lesson reminds me what a joy it is to teach the children of God. Did an impromptu worship with Zhiqi and Jiahui cause the roster wasn't sent out and I thought it was wonderful. This is the day that the Lord has made and It's a great day to praise the Lord. I love kids. I still can't believe I spent time trying to convince the kids that their parents love them and sadly this is getting more and more common nowadays. :/

Talked to my bro for a while today. I think I kinda understand what he means. Time to talk to my parents.

In any case, yesterday was a regret but not the next time. (: I'll try to spend more time with them and remember that I'm the one who has changed, not them. I need to be more patient and understanding.

On a second note, not sure why but there's still an anger simmering in my heart. I think it's unfair and it pisses me off. I hate it. Not you but just the way you do things. How you would push the work to someone else. How you would think of yourself over others. How you always seem to sound so hostile when I try to be friendly. Guess we really didn't know each other at all. Actually I hate how I don't care. I hate how for the first time making up doesn't really matter to me cause I really misjudged you. And ugh. I don't even know what I'm saying. But it obviously goes to show that I care about how it's gone. How our friendship is gone. And it will never come back because I see you so much clearer now, I see your personality and your purpose in life: to win. How much you would give, how much would you exchange for that win? We are just so super different. And so, I guess we probably won't iron it out but we'll carry on working side by side until the future covers the past friendship we had. The one where we are CGFs and all that shit. And I don't know how but I can't seem to forgive you. I thought you were so much better than that. :/

Shucks. I need to forgive but yet each time as you reveal yourself more, I find myself getting irritated by you. I don't know how this plays out for our OCIP but definitely, not well.

I have no clue who you really are.

Ah shucks. Its so difficult to have compassion on someone who rejects the truth, it's so difficult to love someone who lied about being better, it's do difficult to trust someone who promised you so much and then turned their back on them.

Father, what more can I do? Nothing much, without you. Guide me through.