fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Sunday, January 1,7:19 PM

It's weird huh?

This little burst of happiness. It makes you feel like every piece of the puzzle is back in place.

Then you remember. It's not.

So strange, this dissonance.

Oh well whatever. New semester, time to make new friends!

Argh. I'm dumb. I'm always like this. Pride and arrogance. Always wanting people to talk to me first. Thinking that just because they don't means that they can't be bothered anymore. But when I stop and think about it, hey c'mon. It's not like I think of them every second as well. It's been a while since I thought about my two good friends. At least not about our friendship.

It's crazy how something that used to be so open, so free is now gone, as though it never existed before. Just making conversation and like, coping? So weird.

Not sure if I should go poke them. Find out how they are. Actually, just one. The other I'll spend an entire week with during recce (which is next week!! Excited. :D) But yeah maybe she's happier like this. Ah, just see how it goes. It'll turn out fine. I hope she still comes for CF and BS.

But yup, I guess it's true. We can't really be good friends. We tried, remember? I told you why we couldn't be more and you said okay, you weren't really looking for anything anyway. I thought we'd be okay. And now we don't even talk. So okaaaaaaaaaay. You were the one who said I'd be your sister and we drew clear boundaries. That I meant much to you and I would be your best girl buddy- blah blah blah. I thought once we drew boundaries we could be good friends, but then you gave up. Ahhhh, shit.

I'm a sucker for promises, aren't I? I always, always believe those words. But then they get forgotten and I'm left here still wondering if I can talk to you, whether you even want to listen to my randomness. But I miss being high with you, you all actually. Haven't seen or heard from anyone of you. You all said I'm the busy one, but you all seem pretty busy yourselves. ._.

I'm still missing out on an important lesson aren't I? I still haven't learnt anything from that time. I keep doing the same thing over and over. It's not that I didn't try to talk to you all, right? But you all just sound so distant. Argh. Nevermind.

Today's the 1st of January 2012. Let's make this year a better one, somehow.