fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Thursday, April 19,11:46 PM

what's the point.

my oversimplified brain can't get round the complexities of life.

perhaps it is true that I have seen far too little of the world, that I am too ready to be trusting and honest in my doings.

and I just don't know how to respond sometimes. I want to help but the solutions I think of are just perhaps too straightforward, too open, too democratic.

and this anxiety as well. this nagging feeling that I haven't been a good leader, that I, or rather we, haven't been committing what we should have to the group. are they prepared? are they ready? not so sure about that. but this was what we wanted, didn't we? to leave everything until after exams?

and AdRace, what's happening now? sigh, how am I supposed to lead so that Nitebike won't end up like another AdRace?

and just this overwhelming sense of not being good enough I guess, not being sufficient, not being good enough. all these insecurities creeping into my head, when I'm all alone. when I'm not committing enough to God.

He has been good, to see me through until today. That my family is stable and supportive. That I am able to afford all I want. That I am given this faith in Him. That I'm so blessed. That just so many things remind me of His goodness.

Then I think to myself: Who am I? Does it matter if I don't succeed? Does it matter if something goes wrong? Does it matter if I'm a bad leader?

I tried what I could, I did what I can, I did my best that I could at every single moment. Yet I still fail.

It just tells me one thing. How much of a failure I am, isn't it? And how much greater God is. And how awesome it is, to be so small, and yet to be so loved, so cherished by someone so great. (:

And I know who I am. No, I might not be a great leader. No, I might not be a great friend. No, I might not be great at solving the world's problems. No, I might not be good at all. But this I know with all my heart, his wounds have paid my ransom. And I am yours, and yours alone.

I am a mere Child of God. But yet, because of this, I am not just a mere child.

I am more, only because God gave me more. Isn't that amazing. (:

Indeed, to be a Child of God - 'its the greatest thing one could ever have'.