fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Tuesday, April 3,10:14 AM

Moments like this remind me just how weak I am. Remind me how susceptible I am to my feelings.

Woke up this morning. Lost my third ezlink card in the past two months. Late for class. Tired. Exhausted. BGS report not done. BGS script not done. Wanted to do FA report as well. Not done. I just. I just want to give up.

But I know I can't so I press on. Even as I type out emails to my groups to tell them to stay strong and keep smiling, but its more of talking to myself through them. Telling myself to persevere and keep the faith. Telling myself I can do it.

And you know what. It's just so difficult. Makes me feel so darn burnt-out.

Want to be there at the last Stats class today. Want to hear what Prof says about my group project. Want to be there with my group. But here I am, sitting at Bishan Macs doing my BGS report. Felt so lost just now. What would Jesus do? If He was in my position? That's how I live my life.

But for the first time, I didn't know. I didn't know what Jesus would do. Sounds ridiculous but how else? He wouldn't skip class right? But yet He would've finished all his work. I don't know what's the root of the problem.

Why am I so tired.

Dear God, I know that day you told me the reason why I should work hard. "Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you." As a Christian, I'll work hard day and night so that I won't trouble my group mates, that I wouldn't just be a slacker while I focus on other stuff.

Right now though, it's just so tough. I have been working day and night, God. I have been giving people my time where its due. When I felt that they wanted someone to be there, I was there. When they needed my help to do some work, I was there. But I feel like there's just no more to give. Father, I'm running dry and so I'm running to you. The Spring of Life, right? (:

Sustain me, Lord. Even now as I feel so down, I feel so exhausted and weary. Be my strength to carry on. Be my hope. I know and I remember that you have won the victory. I know that all I have to do is to persevere and press on in this life to reach the very end with you. You said, 'Come to me, all you who are tired and heavy laden and I will give you rest'. Please Father, take this burden off my heart. Give me that rest and joy.

Yesterday two friends separately commented on my ability to remain cool-headed and be patient and tolerant of people. But God, I want more than that. I want more. Give me more joy, more love so that I can smile at them, that I can joke with them so I can also pass on to them some of your joy and relieve the stress they feel. Help me to be there for them. And yet at the same time, be with me. Stay close to me. Draw close to me. I need your presence to be with me so that I can do all these. For without you I am nothing. Without you I can do nothing.

As I sit here in your presence, i thank you. I thank you for all the things that give me joy. I thank you for the bright happy voices of the family sitting next to me eating their KFC breakfast. I thank you for the nice music on the radio. I thank you for the smiles people have given me in the morning. I thank you for the chirpy greeting the cashier greeted me with just now. I thank you for my father, how he is trying to make this better for me. Thank you for his overwhelming love, that just shows me that if this is how far my earthly father would go to to make me feel better, to share my load, how much more you? My lovely father in heaven who has not only driven me to school ten thousand times, given me hugs a million times and put a smile on my face a trillion times, but who has saved me and ransomed me from my sins. That I no longer have to be enslaved to school. That I am no longer enslaved to misery and guilt.

Thank you Father. Your love knows no bounds and I am just so filled with awesomeness and joy right now. Heheheheh, thank you for bringing me through. Thank you for being there. You are just so so amazing. :D