fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Wednesday, March 14,12:21 PM

Something smells great in my house.

I am hungry.

Ooh, prawn fritters. :D

Happy dappy right now.

Yesterday, went for CF and well, fell asleep for most of it. Ugh. I remember it was on Matt 26. When Jesus was at Gethsemane before He was betrayed, how He prayed for God's will to be done even while it meant an immense amount of agony for Him. He did it sorrowfully yet willingly, never reluctantly. And I guess similarly, when we go about our daily lives, we need to follow God's will in order to live out our roles as authentic Christians. Are we facing persecution and suffering? Do we face trials and rejection? If we don't, we're not living out our lives as Christians. After all, James 1 said,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I think this is an amazing verse. It tells us how everything must first be tested through the fire and flames before it is recognized as worthy and in general a good work done. And once again, I look forward to my Master's return and for Him to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Because I have lived out a life true to Christianity, one that imitates His life here on earth, and well, one that was filled with persecution and injust and pain.

Need to pray for God's will in my life, need to find out what it is. Right now, seems to me that Evangelism might be my role in His return but I need to finish the commitments of my semester first. Ugh, I hate how I still prioritize work over God's work. Sigh. But commitments are, commitments right? Would've dropped them earlier if I could... But persecution? I don't know if this is what is meant. But it IS my fault that I took up way too many and if I started putting God's work (following up on new believers, etc) first and neglect the rest, then I can't put the blame on my prioritizing God first what. It'd bring dishonor to His name because of my mistake. Hm, guess it's my fault. I pray for forgiveness.

Sorry God, that this time I have to finish my commitments before doing your work. I really really wish I can follow up on my friends. After all, it's such a joy to see their willingness to be open and hear. And while they are doing so, I pray that you will speak to them, convict them of what you've done, something so amazing that we can't help but fall to our knees in gratitude and thankfulness. Make it so strong that they will be rendered speechless in light of your great and mighty love for us, that you redeemed us so that you could love us. Help them to see.

Alright so then Matt went on to talk about how the disciples that Jesus brought to pray with Him, could not keep awake. They kept falling asleep because their eyes were heavy. (LOL, my friend beside me laughed at this point.) Was good to know that I'm not the only one who falls asleep at critical times. Hahahahah, my friend woke me up just before this part. Yeah, but anyway the message was that we have no role to play as sinners. When Jesus was praying, there was nothing we could do. No one could understand His position or what He was about to do. They could contribute nothing, in fact they couldn't even stay awake and accompany Jesus. Actually didn't really understand this part. My friend told me later that it was meant to say we cannot do anything to work and obtain our salvation for it was given to us by His grace.

Recently, I've been feeling very drained, living day to day with only a few hours of rest. Leaving house at 8am and reaching home at 12 or 1am. Quite sad. But exactly this. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I want to do too many things, that when it comes to God's work, I can't do much anymore. I'm limited this way. But yet, I know that in this passage, Jesus affirms how our work is not important. That our acknowledgement of His mercy and grace as the reason for our salvation is enough. Hm, I don't know. This seems to kinda contradict what I've said above but it doesn't.

ahhhhhh, nevermind. think about it another time.

found something very deeply meaningful yet ironic though. the cry that Jesus' innocent blood is on the crowd and their children, not on Pilate. O_O it's like when I read that, my first thought was: EXACTLY.

so sneaky. it was their crime that saved them. SO IRONIC.