fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Friday, March 9,6:25 PM

hi, r sad.

don't know what to do.

what happened.

didn't wna be irresponsible or uncommitted. ):

betarun is today. got pulled out of it. maybe i should have just agreed to the role as station master. but wouldn't i be freaking tired the next day for first aid training?

guess it really is my fault and i hate it that, me, the one who always has an answer for everything, finds myself at a loss as to how to resolve this. francis and val hasn't exactly been very happy with me ever since the ITE issue and SIGH.

i understand their position too though. working hard at the manpower movement and this person just comes to you, asking for easier/less tiresome jobs and having to fit her position into her own schedule as well. it's quite sickening.

i honestly wish i could do something to make up but i just don't know how.

i wanted to be able to be a superhero, to do everything. to understand and talk to my new friends and show concern for their way of living until 2am. to wake up at 6am and go for first aid training from 8am to 6pm. then to rush to school and get ready for AdRace beta run. then to actually DO AdRace beta run until 5am. then rush back to Pasir Ris for first aid course day 2 by 8am. finish and pass the test to get my accreditation by 6pm. and finally, go home to take a nap and then to plan for Sunday School and to finish Stats homework. only then will I sleep. and then later, go to church, teach, go for titanic exhibition for Stats project and compile stats answers. i wanted to do so many things and that ended up moot. i ended up tired. i ended up being irresponsible and uncommitted. i ended up offending people.

I am sad. what's the point. i have obviously taken up too much commitments and at this point, i wish i can apologize to all the people i'm working with but i don't know how. at one time or another, i've not been fair to them. le sigh.

will take up less next sem definitely.

but for now, i really pray for reconciliation and for wisdom especially cause i've no idea how to make it up to them. i really worked well with them in alpha. but somehow, friendships crumble sometimes and i don't know how to get it back.

i hate how i feel crushed each time i lose a friendship. but yet, i'm still glad i care about friends so much more than other things.

still, i don't know how to move on from here.

didn't want it to turn out this way. ):