fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Wednesday, April 4,7:29 PM

I don't know how or what to do. Not sure how to respond. This overwhelming disappointment as I continue trying too hard.

Couldn't take it. Found a quiet spot in SOE, prayed and cried out to God for help, for understanding.

God, is always amazing. He speaks to us in times of need, He consoles us when we cry out for him. Found this in my email: daily devotional - I can't think straight!

I felt like that today during my presentation. I had the answers, I just couldn't present or express myself. I was just so exhausted from living from day to day. And this is what the devotion said,

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 (NIV)

I felt like I was walking in circles. My to-do list was long but I was accomplishing nothing. Nothing except shifting messes from one place to another and getting increasingly frustrated with myself.

Why couldn’t I think straight!? Urgency pulled and tugged, creating anxiety, yet I couldn’t get myself unstuck.

Many days I just plod along, hoping that somehow I’ll pull myself together and move forward. Sadly, my success rate with that approach is pretty low. Just doing more doesn’t help when my mind is scattered.

My biggest challenge with bringing order to my day and home usually isn’t found externally. It’s not too much to do, too small closets, or too many kids running around. Yes, those can be challenges, but they aren’t the biggest one.

My biggest foe is my cluttered mind. When I don’t think straight, I can’t solve problems.

Our minds are the command center of managing our lives. We may blame outside pressures for our problems, but many times the issue is within: minds that aren’t seeking help from the Source of all wisdom and clarity—God.

As Christians we have a direct line to God’s wisdom as our key verse promises. Plus, we have the Holy Spirit living in us who is our Counselor (John 14:26), and as the Bible tells us, we have “the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16). That’s a powerhouse of help!

But we don’t always tap into this Source of help. And when we do, if the truth were told, we often don’t really expect God to answer us. Others, those super-spiritual types, may hear from God. But not me, we think.

And so we struggle with problem-solving. We are frustrated at our circumstances, confused about what to do, discouraged and defeated. It’s a downward cycle.

For years, I never even thought to ask God for help making little decisions. Maybe I’d bring Him in on the big decisions, but the little ones I figured I could handle myself. Oh, how I missed out on so much clarity and focus.

If you are having trouble thinking, ask God to clear your mind and direct your decision-making. Then trust He is doing just that. Once you ask God to speak to you, expect it to happen. This expectation is crucial to hearing from God. Here what James 1:5-8 says:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

If you do start to doubt, then take that thought captive and choose to trust that God has spoken. Listening and trusting are important parts of prayer, because prayer is not always to get God to move.

Many times, prayer positions us to hear God’s direction on how we should move. Through prayer, we align our hearts to God’s heart, and things become clearer.

Is the clutter in your mind making it hard to think clearly? Perhaps one of the problems is you’re trying to figure things out on your own. We’ve been given the mind of Christ and we are offered the wisdom of God. Let’s ask and receive.

Lord, You know how hard it is for me to focus sometimes. It’s hard to figure out what needs to be done. I just feel overwhelmed and discouraged. I know You aren’t a God of confusion, so I ask for Your wisdom and clarity to help bring order to my chaotic mind. In Jesus Name, Amen.

It's amazing. That I know God is here, God is near and He understands.

Father, fill me with hope. Give me the confidence again. Not in myself, my abilities to speak or present. But in you, and you alone. I'm sorry for the arrogance in thinking that I would be able to just go there whack it. Right now it is making me feel so miserable, that I let the group down. That I led the group to nothing. Just give me strength and the confidence to go on. Help me to keep my eyes on you. I know I tried my best and I'm truly sorry for the pride. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for teaching me to be humble. But I pray you restore me now. I truly feel miserable. ):

Thank you Lord. I love you very much and I thank you for these painful moments, cause in them you teach me how to be more like you. I know you are molding me to be your masterpiece.

Immanuel.