fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Friday, May 6,11:17 PM

Sometimes it just gets really difficult. When you're struck by the hugeness of issues in your life. When you realize, 'oh crap. my decision is going to decide my life in the next 50 years'. It just scares us. It makes us afraid of the unknown. It makes us afraid of losing out. It makes us afraid of making mistakes.

But it is at this moment that we need to recognize the fact that there's something bigger, someone with more authority over our lives than we ourselves. All we need to do is to submit to Him.

God.

It seems that whenever I'm struggling, whenever I feel like I'm floundering and drowning in my own panic, He just sends an encouraging word. Matthew 6:30. He brought to my mind, the sparrows of the field, the grass swaying in the breeze. If that is how He clothes them (with such breathtaking beauty), them which are here today and burnt tomorrow, how much more will He also clothe us. The verse ended with 'O you of little faith.'

I'm just struck by the parallel of how this phrase was used while referring to Peter. This was my passage of the year (Matt 14). This was what I reflected on during Telunas spiritual retreat. Peter was walking on water. It was an amazing sight. He had faith in Jesus and heeded His command to 'Come'. But he saw that the wind was boisterous and he was afraid. As he was beginning to sink, he cried out, saying 'Lord, save me!' And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, saying, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'

He was distracted. By the Boisterous wind. Hahahah I still remember the pun I made. About me being distracted by boys, stress and win (being better than others?) so boystresswin (boisterous wind). And just reading that verse, that phrase reminded me again of my small faith. Being so shaky in my faith.

He said, Seek first My Kingdom and My Righteousness and all these things you desire shall be given to you. I need to seek God's face, I need to follow His will.

So dear God, as I come before you today. I know I have once again been distracted by those boisterous winds, and I just commit myself and my decisions into Your mighty hands. I miss that confidence that came with fully trusting You. Thank you for giving me another chance. I know that I was distracted again during the period after my interviews. Please forgive me for my selfishness, for only running back when I need Your protection. I don't want to be a fair-weather Christian. I want to trust you all my life and help me to do that in every facet of my life. There is so much more I can have with you. I want to reconnect. Please, Father. It's so difficult sometimes and we make wrong decisions. Help us, help me to seek You with all my heart. I ask for faith, for it is a gift by you. I ask for perseverance, for I don't want to lose focus on you. I ask for the companionship of the Holy Spirit as I endeavor to walk close to you. I pray that I will be sensitive to the prompting of the Spirit that I may be close to you all the days of my life and not just today, tonight or even this week. I want a life-long relationship. With you, Abba Father.

I love you. Thank you for your compassion on me.