fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Sunday, February 18,10:29 PM

a post on CNY

HAH. today is CNY first day (chu yi).

yesterday went to qiu lao shi's hse. i was very late so all the boys had alr left. when i came, then yu ting, sili and melissa was alr there. they were smiling at me with crafty smiles. i sat on the carpet and both my friends and qiu lao shi offered me food at the same time. then i look at them -and their crafty smiles- i was like err, something is wrong la... so i ate the cookie qiu lao shi offer. i was like yumm. (: then they started to bug my to eat that CERTAIN container of diapond-shaped biscuit. so i thought aiya, whatever la. anything at qiu lao shi's hse would be nice. so i took one and ate it. i even told them IT WAS NICE. then qiu lao shi came and said, 'ni yao zhi dao cheng ji mah?' then they tell me is jia yang's one. haiyo. so childish. HAHA. after so many years ah, still never change. -.- nonono, i am innocent and childish ok?? no no no. after so long i have not talked to boys la... only one these past days. and NO, dont get the wrong idea. haiyo. i will concentrate on GOD, people around me and my studies.

but how to prioritize? people's problems or my studies. everyone is saying studies but in long term, we wont need it in heaven. yet, people's problems also cant help much. but yet, i seem to spend alot of time thinking about others problem that i cant concentrate on my work. so which one. which is more impt? HAH. i need YOUR guidance, YOUR PERFECT leadership.

oh man, what you mean you cant come to school? i hate this male is bigger than female thing. please la. what age is this? the prehistoric times ah... -this sounds somewhat familiar- (FYI. i said that during campfire skit. (: haha.) anw, how can you be like this. i just wished everything was perfect for everyone. i thank GOD for all i have, all people around me. and most of ALL, for YOU, my EVERLASTING, ALMIGHTY, COMPASSIONATE, MERCIFUL GOD. i wish i can help, i'm sorry i cant. it's up to GOD.

i'm getting this neglected feeling. HAHA. oops. insecurity seeping into post. ohwells. no one talks to me any longer except gurvin. (: she's my best friend for now! (: JIA YOU! i'm feeling neglected so come talk to me... ): HAHA. i love msn and sms.

how i wish you were always there to listen. i dont understand. are we good friends or just a random friend you tell your secrets to. i dont understand. i wish you could clarify and at least let me understand. (P.S. if you know yourself, pls write a letter to me. dont come and face-to-face clarify. i will cry one. HAHA. (: oops.)

i feel i have done ALOT of growing up in cedar. in pcps, all i did was study and have fun, go crazy and wild. but now, i'm quieter? (i think la) and more reflective. have even reflected on MEANING of LIFE. haha. reflected on people's character based on behavior and what others say. but yet have not experienced or seen the harshness of life like what others say of it. so YAY for me. but always rmb, JANICE TAY, i must be INNOCENT and not CHIILDISH. HAHA. (: see the diff? no? well, go and reflect by yourself.

i realised i am too dependent on people that's why it's easy for me to get hurt. so perhaps a little distance might help sometimes. so yeah, must FOCUS to be DEPENDENT on GOD who NEVER FAILS than on people that FAIL ALL THE TIME WITHOUT FAIL. (: JIA YOU! (:

i could never understand sometimes. christians, question yourself: are you willing to deny yourself and take up the cross everyday and go after JESUS? are you?
i want to but is being restricted. dont you understand. i must help people around us, what's schoolwork compared to other's lives. what? i dont understand.

anw, change topic. HAHA. got new clothes. did last min shopping, really last min. one hour b4 all the shops start to close down. HAHA. so no choice but got 2 OP skirts and a brown OP shirt. SO EXPENSIVE CAN! i LOVE mummy. (: but... i feel bad for spending money. shall not buy clothes for a very long time. (: the worse thing is i dont wear skirts. except school skirt, i only have like a few? haha. i'm so not used to wearing short skirt. ): ahhh. but zq says i look nice. but i feel weird... HAHA... ohwells.

i feel super tired now. as a chinese, after so many years of understanding the meaning of chinese new year, i realised i dont know what it means this year. i mean, CNY is so repetitive. every year it's the same old thing. its so meaningless. unlike the class who sang the song about getting many ang pows and sweet oranges, i feel that money and oranges shouldnt be the highlight of CNY. perhaps it's not a good tradition that chiildren look forward to CNY just bcos of money. it just illustrates our greed.

HAHA. my posts are gettin gmore and more about what i feel and what i think. i think in a while more, i'll be reflecting on the 7% GST. HAHA. ohwells.
BYE.