And today is the 18th. Tomorrow, Sunday and Monday then we leave the home on Tues.
I don't know how to feel about all these. :/ A bit of disappointment mixed with helplessness. Don't know what's missing, don't know what's wrong.
The team is close but still thinking of self over team. And I just don't see the kind of initiative and care and concern that the members of CherisHope showed. And I don't get it, seeing as we do know them, they're our friends even before the trip. It's not that they're not contributing or speaking up. It's just that sometimes there's this underlying tension somehow. I feel like we're just tolerating this.
And I just feel so upset. Don't know why I feel upset with my friend. Maybe because I keep providing everything and there's just no true appreciation for what I've done. Just feel like everyone's just looking out for themselves and there's no transcend of others before self. Just, irritated.
Yet at the same time I also feel like we could've given more to the team. Don't know how to facilitate the team so that their perspective is more of team-based or others-focused as opposed to personal-focused. Don't know la. Charmaine has always been the most outspoken one and also the most distracted one (haha.) perhaps she should've been the leader. When we decided on the leadership we knew that Jethro had to be the leader because of legal age reasons. And I was coleader cause I was more task focused than distracted, ENFPish. But now I don't know. Just feel really silenced. As in cause what I want to say always get mentioned first by Charmaine. Not sure. Feel like I haven't been pulling my weight.
I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. God, give me strength. ):