fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Friday, May 21,11:32 PM

just watched this super sad hongkong show. no its not a soap opera or whatever you call it. okay it was a movie.

there was this gang of robbers. who needed money so they were drug trafficking, risking their lives just so that they can start life afresh. it was kind of a "succeed or die" mission.

as they interacted with the protagonist, i could see they loved each other. meh so ironic la. they love each other. but because they needed money, they were greedy for it, they died. o_______o they really fought to the end. like just cause one brother died. then the whole revenge cycle came in. goshhhhhh. so many deaths, so much gore. srsly.

but even then you could see that they all loved each other. meh. maybe it wasnt love. if it was, they wouldnt even let each other continue going. i dont get it. humans are so bizarre.

i'm so emo now cause i'm so sad. and scared. and i'm wondering if they are people out there who are as desperate as them. desperate for survival. pushed to the point where everything else seems to fade in light of their goal to complete their mission. i think we really need to pray for them, that they find love. they find God so they'll be able to live life. cleansed and born again. o____o

speaking of this i become so grateful that i've got God. meh just now i was so scared that one day i'll randomly lose control and start killing people. meh scary thought but yeah imagination is extremely vivid. ): i want to always love and serve God so that i wont ever lose my way, i wont ever be so desperate for things of this world. :/ i'm really so thankful for everything i have and everyone i have. that they're all safe and sound.

i really hope no one ever loses themself to desperation. indeed that'll be the saddest thing ever. i hope that i'll be there for my friends, my family. even if i cant help, i can pray! thats about the best thing ever.

lets start anew janice. we'll do this alright! (: no point in accumulating things of this world. lets start loving the eternal things. lets start with a new heart. a heart where God is the centre and everything else revolves around Him. (:

i'm soooo sorry for failing so badly :/ will You forgive me and take me in again?

thank You for loving me. i want to love You too. change my heart. change who i am so that i can be who You made me to be. (: i'm willing to be Your masterpiece. please give me the endurance to keep going! to keep loving! and to keep seeking!