fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Monday, February 13,10:25 PM

Amidst the rush, amidst the cheering, amidst the laughter and teasing, this question arose: what is this for? Is this worth it?

Today was SMUX team exco investiture and it was quite fun to be there to cheer on my friends with most of the Adrace people. And I found myself regretting not running for SMUX crew. It was still not enough. After everything, OCSP, Adrace, 5.0mods, three ccas with two of them meeting twice weekly. Not enough?

Well its sure for one thing that I've got no more time to myself, except maybe these times that I get to blog and write down my thoughts. But the truth is that I'm exhausted. It's fun but it's starting to become pointless.

Chasing fun, chasing laughter, all these fade away. Positions and popularity they also fade away. What lasts forever then?

God's work I suppose. I remember the joy I felt as I read the email from
my friend who went for WANTED and how he felt for the first time a desire to read up more of the bible. It's amazing. To think that God might have touched and changed his heart. To think that I had a small part in bringing someone back to God. To see my friends whom I've never talked to about religion, choosing to come for CF even if I'm not gna be there. It's just so encouraging, how God works. Nothing ever goes to waste.

But right now. I don't know. SMUX people are wonderful. But teams are still teams and unless I join a team and go weekly, it's probably difficult to have a strong bond there.

I'm really trying too hard. Waaay too hard. And for nothing. For I know my Father prides us not on our achievements nor grades, popularity nor moral standards, but just on how much we love him and how much we'd give up for him.

But yet I can't really give up my commitments as well. They brighten up my life and the people make me feel like I have a purpose for being with them.

I'm not sure. Wish I knew what I'm doing. But all I know is that I'm no longer relying on God. But rather on these things which keep me busy and make me feel useful. That's not a very smart idea obviously... :/ Sian.

K nvm shall go bathe and pray.