fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Wednesday, August 24,11:06 PM

It's wednesday once again and today seriously sucks though it was much better than last week. Hahaha I think it's just the hecticness of it all. ):

I've been being pretty inefficient the past few days, didn't achieve much pfft. Happy though. Formed up most of my project groups and they're all awesome people! :D excited!!

And also OCSPs!! Best thing ever! Let's hope I impress the peeps over at Namaste and CherisHope! (: It's gna be a meaningful ride! :D

Gosh so far my schedule has just been super duper packed!! Like honestly. Feels crazy and tight when I look at my organizer but yet not that bad when it comes down to it. (:

Alright off to reading my TWC text! Pfft tuition ended late. Reaching home at 12 ):

Thursday, August 18,1:23 PM

I think I'm just damn blur now. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Wednesday, August 17,11:03 PM

Today is the third day of school and it sucked. ):

On the way back from tuition and I'm just so darn tired. Seriously. I don't know how I'm gna wake up early for my 830 class. ):

Today I woke up late. 930 for a 1015 class. I was rushing like mad honestly. And I didn't wash my hair in the morning though I washed it the night before. But it just didn't feel right. Plus I hadn't packed my stuff. So morning was just bad.

I answered a question wrongly in AW too. Sianface. And just felt terribly bored the whole day. Read AS tb in the library during my freetime. Wanted to stab myself honestly. Boring ttm. Sigh. And my prof supposed to be quite cui too.

Today was such a bad day argh.

Oops. I just remembered my devotion today. All scripture is useful for teaching rebuking correcting and training in righteousness. LOLOL. And the Proverb31 ministries' email today was regarding God meeting our needs in His glorious riches in Christ Jesus! The essence was summarized in this question: Is God enough? When bad things happen, is He enough.

And to add to things my iTunes is currently going 'Yeah Your grace is enough, yeah Your grace is enough....[after a million repetitions] Your grace is enough for me' lololol.

Thanks God for your reminder. Sorry for being ungrateful. But I really had a sucky day. ): Honestly. I wonder if Jesus ever experienced waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Since He was fully man as well as fully God. Hahaha.

But yes. Father, change my attitude and my mood towards school tmr. I pray that you'll be the highlight of my day. That I will be filled with the joy of Your presence and the knowledge that I am Your elect. (:

Thank You that you're so awesome to me. That you've blessed me with great classes so far with great teachers and friends. Lord, renew my mind as Your will unfolds in my life, and in living everyday, by the power of Your love. (: The song that's playing. :D Hahaha, I just realized that I missed my time to nap on the bus. But I ain't sore about it.

I love how God speaks to me through songs. (: And honestly that song. Speaks. As I step into SMU, this is how I will live my life each day. In the power of His love and in acknowledgment of His grace for us!! Hallelujah for all you've done!

Ugh! I just saw a cockroach!

Monday, August 15,10:01 AM

First day of SMU. On the MRT train there.

Got kinda nervous and anxious cause I thought I was late! Got caught in rain. ): But turned out class was 1015h! (: Anyway my QT verse of today was Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. Well then, guess it's pretty obvious what I should do and how I should live my life in SMU.

The song Empower Me was in my head this morning.

'Nobody knows how weak I am, better than you.
Nobody knows all of my needs, better than you.
And nobody has the power to change me to what I was born to be.
Empower me.'

Guess this is my prayer as I step into this new phase of life, this new school.

Help me to live in the light of Christ.

Sunday, August 14,1:36 AM

Really happy now.

I love my Acsi groupies. Even though I didn't really like IB but these were the people that made my two years worthwhile okay. Hahahaha. I love that everyone is still the same. That Ian is still as chatty and loves to give his little Tidbit of information as ever. That Stewart is still as shameless and hilarious and fun to disturb as ever. That Koonhan is still as stubborn about his opinions and awesome as ever. That Xintian is as cute and as not-so-brave as ever. Hahahaha. It was really great to just meet up and hang out. We're honestly not the kind of group that does a lot or talks a lot the whole time but the presence and idk just the entire feeling of being with them makes me feel comfortable. With them I can say whatever's on my mind and be quirky myself. Hahaha. And in the end these are really the people I do love and cherish.

Now moving on to this new phase of life I do hope to still be in contact with them and so I'm so happy that I can meet them on Thurs!! :D -hugs!

Ian, now that I know you read my blog. READ THIS. YOUSHOULDTOTALLYDRIVEUSAROUNDDURINGOUROUTINGSKTHX.

Sunday, August 7,6:07 PM

Pride. :/

Today at church we learnt an important lesson. That pride actually comes out of having a lack of faith. A lack in faith in God by not submitting to the identity He has given you and instead trying to create one based on your own merits.

I don't know. I think many times I'm quite prideful when it comes to how I live. Ironically. I think I know all the right things. The right answers. What people should do or say to be socially successful. Yet this week I learnt how foolish I am to think that. I realized how much more I still have to learn. From my peers, my seniors and my leaders. They are put together with me for a reason. So that I can learn from them. So that I can improve the way I interact. So that I can build stronger friendships. So that we can help each other to grow and become better people!

And it's strange cause I feel like the mother-hen many times. Where I feel the need to protect my friends and groupies. But yet since I've let my tiredness get in my way, I kinda pushed myself out of their group. What arrogance to believe they'll accept me back whenever I want. I've learnt that you must know your chicks. To love them all at all times, tirelessly. Not to give up for we will reap a harvest in due time. Only then will they recognize you and come close to you. If not you would seem more like an imposter who is trying to blend in with them or boss them around.

I am truly tired and I pray that it will not affect me and my attitude towards the camp. I pray that God you give me your joy and your strength to keep going. To keep persevering in loving the ones you've put me in place to love, to protect the ones you've called me to protect. Jesus you are my strength when I am weak. Please be my support in SMU. My crutch. I want to be totally dependent on you God. I want to live life in the Light of Christ.

But I'm so sorry that I fail so badly. I think I'm doing alright then the wave hits me and I realized I'm still not groused enough. And I'm knocked off the ground, set adrift in the vast ocean. Save me from myself and my pride. I am willingly to cling onto you like a limpet. I acknowledge that I will fail cause the heart of man falters.

Yet I thank you for your never-ending mercies. For by that we are titled as Winners. Champions. Victory is ours. You perfect my imperfections Jesus. Your blood covers me and makes me whole again. Thank you Lord!

1:16 AM

Shucks. At my last camp now.

Suddenly feel like I miss home so badly. Ugh.

Home. We were singing this song today with the beneficiaries. It felt so right. Because where they were they felt accepted and loved.

And actually we're not very different from them. We also long to be accepted and loved. I just.. I don't know. Is SMU home for me? Really? I miss home right now.

Just hearing my parents on the phone telling me how Joshua was asking for me was kinda upsetting. I miss them so much. I feel like I've neglected them honestly.

Just like how I've been neglecting bible study and QT. It's just so so difficult honestly. :/ As I'm sitting here I thought I heard some singing. Devotion practice or something. 'I love you Jesus. I love you Jesus. I love you Jesus. And I'll worship you always.' That song. That boy I met at iSOW. His passion and desire for Jesus was fully displayed in that simple song. And something struck a chord in my heart.

All my lfe I've been saying that I love Jesus and I want to shine for Him. Today I realized, am I really doing that? I just feel so battered up. So discouraged. I don't know what to do.

So I'm just going to go to church and figure out what's my next step from there. Ask for His will and His guidance over my attitude through the rest of the camp.

Dear Father, I am calling out to you. Will you help me? For you said, 'Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.'

So I claim that promise.

Thursday, August 4,4:06 PM

So I'm on my way to tuition yet again with at least an hour of bus time to spare. Thus I'm back with my story of CF camp. (:

25-28 July:
Hahahah CF was quite awesome cause we were all mixed up. From year 1 to year 4! And everyone was super relaxed and lepak. Awesomeness. Hahahaha. Especially the seniors. They were all super willing to share about school and bidding etc.

It was v fun la. Once again the no judging rule came up making it all the more fun cause we could all be ourselves without worrying about labeling or whatshit.

Went out to have food around the SMU area to familiarize ourselves. Hehehehe quite awesome! I love the Thai food at Sunshine plaza omg. :D Feel da love. Hahaha! And the ayam panggang at Dhoby food court. I never knew okay!!! .__. drooling. Ugh. So much cravings now!! Hahaha. Love the seniors really. (:

In fact just yesterday Angeline just met me to help me plan my schedule and bidding for Sem 1!! :D

By the way I got the bids that I wanted!! Happy dappy.

30 July:
Went for choir FOA!!! Wore my new dress I bought from Bali!! Yay. Sa though. Only I went. ): The rest couldn't make it. Ohwell. Bought flowers for Yuen and Sarah who were performing. Outstanding really. This year's year fives are great! Hahaha. I really really love the Lion King medley and how they planned it. The moving about and their actions. Their passion for singing and performing was amazing. (: I was astounded. They really did own the night. Hahah so proud of you guys.

Then went to dinner with yuen at wahchee! Got butter chicken rice which is really quite good! (: Happy dappy. Now I really miss schooldays. When I'd stay back with Kh and Tri and the rest to study in school. Darn I miss them. Hahaha and our water monster. (:

31 July-1 Aug:
Bondue camp. Was super apprehensive cause of the stories I've heard of this camp. Clubbers, drinkers, partyers. :/ Ohwell. But God really blessed me with such a great group who didn't really peer pressure me so much to drink. Although they did spike the bottle of Ice lemon tea I bought to occupy myself. :/ Hahaha ironically it was the christian in my group that pushed me to drink. Idk. :/ it's okay though. Had a lot of fun with this awesome bunch of people. Who were all so darn nice okay. Hahaha and so nonjudgey. Hahahah. These people are hilarious. Belonging to Carribean, we named ourselves Algae. Hahaha Algae - We grow on you. (y) tagline win. But yeah. c-riausly had a great time. (:

3 Aug:
Career briefing. Quite lame but won a OCS voucher! LOLOL. And met up with Angeline to plan my mods. So blessed really.

Went to Clementi to teach later on. Had the most amazing Western food. I love the fried bun. (:

Yup. So this has been my life so far. Quite an insane number of camps if you ask me. Hahahaha I counted like 33days of camp? Hahahaha. It's quite rewarding though. Cause now I know people in every mod that I take. Oh joy! Hahaha.

God has blessed me so much.

Thank you Dad. For everything you've blessed me with. The people you've brought into my life. I know everything is in your hands and I will do my best to live life according to Your will for me and glorify your name everyday of my life. <3!!