fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Tuesday, August 21,2:42 PM

there are just these points in life when you finally let yourself slow down, and you feel yourself giving up the momentum that you've been driving yourself with. and during these times, you start to realize how much of yourself you've left behind.

it's like a cyclist zooming through life, too busy to see. and the wind blowing too loudly in his ear, to hear anything anyone has to say. all he knows is momentum, all he cares about is the thrill he gets, all he knows is that he's not falling and that's good enough.

damnit, where am i going on this whirlwind high. i'm losing myself but right now i'm not too sure if that's a bad thing or not.

when will i attempt to return again?

sometimes its really as if i hear you in the wind, i hear you in Colin's voice, i hear you asking me to return back to you.

why subject myself to such earthly type of emotional rollercoasters? i should be investing my emotions and time into an everlasting, never-fading sort of trust and faith in God's goodness.

my high is so high that i shudder to think of it, but yet the lows are just these insignificant lulls in my life. is it really worth it?

i'm trying but i don't understand it. it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

and this gnawing frustration i feel at eugene, i have no idea why or how it came out. but right now, i'm just glad that nitebike is ending. i feel like it's been draining me so much i can't function. but then again i can't put the blame on nitebike. it's just me luh, i've been pushing myself too hard. for what? i have no idea. i want to do my best, i want to do all i can, i'm trying. i really am. ): what do you want from me. why do you keep pushing me even more.

and the decisions i've been making. sigh, i'm really sorry i disappointed you buddy. i really wish i could say it wasn't true as well. i said it from the very start, i couldn't let it happen. but yet it did. and i'm sorry i didn't realize, i didn't know. you didn't tell me, you just kept praying and hoping that i would come around to it somehow. thank you for being such a good buddy anyway, still supporting me in all i do, being so understanding and so honest about everything.

sian. i don't know what i'm doing. maybe i should just forget about it. what's the point of this. what's the point of running away from the promise land just to see if it is really good.

i'm so tired. ):