fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Thursday, October 4,12:01 AM

this blog shall document my climb back up to normalcy. no, scratch that - beyond normalcy to empowered.

it's been too long struggling. not that it wasn't worth it. the memories are beautiful. (: the laughter was amazing, the smiles we exchanged. hearing your heartbeat. feeling your veins on your arm. we had great times. but i guess its time. its time to move forward. i can't be stuck in these forever.

i need to drag myself out of my dark bottomless pit. because all these negative thoughts are just making things so much more worse. i need to believe. i need to trust. i need to see beyond the hurts and the disappointment i'm holding onto.

janice, look at yourself now. look around you.

look at the people around you. look at how much they love you and support you. see how many people hold you so dear to their hearts. these are the ones you turn back to. these are the people who you can trust to save you.

pastor henry and aunty carol met me this morning on a last minute notice. they told me that God had amazing plans for me - he was going to use me greatly. i had great capacity, God created me that way. he created you to make a difference, janice. remember walking home from jalan toa payoh and along the way, you sang with all your heart.

'i want to run to the altar, and catch the fire, to stand in the gap between the living and the dead. give us a heart of compassion for a world without vision. we will make a difference bringing hope to the lost.'

this was the cry of your heart, janice. and you believed God would use you greatly. if he was willing, you trusted that he would.

you're at the crossroads of life. God is testing you to make sure you build faith and trust in God. he needs to see what your heart is aligned to. its just a trial.

he has told you that he chose you janice. he chose you to deliver this message to those who are hurting, to those going through tough relationships, to those who need someone to come alongside them and say, 'I've been there. I understand". this is his calling for you, this is what he desires for you.

no matter what, trust that all things work for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

be heartened that God wants to use you to do great things. (:

you're strong girl. you've done this before, you can do it again. just by trusting that God's near, and God's here.

dear Father,

I believe in you. i love you and i know that you love me more. i trust you to bring me through this. i trust you to give me the peace in my heart and the strength to carry on.

tomorrow will be trying. but let's get through okay janice? if you ever feel like you cannot take it, you know God will be here to help you through it.

we'll be okay. we'll survive.

you're special, janice. God wants to use you. don't give up!!