fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Tuesday, April 10,7:22 PM

JANICE

today's a bad day.

i dont want to combine. but its not up to me.
argh. i really dont want it now. ): all i thought about was CCA camp together! but.. hah. i never saw the big picture. the words ring in my mind, GROW UP. think of the big picture.. its not up to you to choose. conflicts, why? maybe it's really for the better. but why is everything being tried out on us? are we guinea pigs? HUH?! are we? we're JINXED. ):
i didnt want to force her. but now its done.
i'm sorry. i didnt know. ): you scared me when you said that cf was cancelled. now i know, HAH. it's all but a joke. how many ppl dont want to come. why? ): i feel so cheated. X( i wish i was dreaming. cant believe it. ): and i felt so triumphant that i could do smtg for avery so that she wont be so sad. now, its even worse. ): --EFFORTS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN? i dont know.
i didnt mean to fail chinese. but i did.
once again, i fail my chinese. time and time again, i fail it. i really tried very hard. to understand. to answer. i didnt give up but why? i failed again. ): all other's passed. i'm such a loser at chinese.
i'm not as good as you think i am. but yet you chose me.
all i did is to pay attention to mr chua during CCA. that's all i did. i really didnt expect to... reading your letter, i certainly was touched but.. still, i wonder if i could ever be like you, to be responsible or at least clear-headed. you made me out to be such a nice person, i really am not. i really.. i dont want to let you all down but i cant live with such expectations.
i'm such a mean friend, putting stress on others and i didnt know.
being with me is such a stressful thing. ): i didnt mean to put so much stress on you. to make you worry so much. i'm actually more worried for you. i'm sorry i'm so insensitive! ): i didnt know that one word would make you feel that i didnt care. everyone is so nice to me... but yet, i dont know if i am a good friend.
i really wanted to save your friendship. instead i spoiled it and i spoiled mine too.
i really meant for your friendship to go back to normal. to just be like last time. but it seems that this time it was just too much. now, we're not even friends. and everyone around me is being affected. ): i wish, i wish i was more useful.
i didnt mean to be sad. but its seems i am..

i feel like a fool. everything was just a joke? i tried so hard and it was just.. A JOKE? please tell me that its not true. ):

you're right. i'm a mean bean! but then again, the sun aways rises again.

I DIDNT FAIL MY BIO! GOSH. my rough paper ans were accepted and i got 18/20 somemore! YAY. whoo hoo! the top 5 in class! (: -smiles- HEH. thank GOD! (:

and i got A1 for bio, chem, physics, emaths! b3 for amths! c6 for ss/geog. and d7 for chinese..

i pray for my dad. please! please! please!

i pray for my turtle! if i was to keep you at the back of my memory cupboard, will you cry? i really love you alot. but it just seems like everyone wants to steal you. ): i wish, i could grow up!

i pray for YOU. i hope you wont be sad! ): dont be depressed, you two members of the depressed club.

i pray for YOU! pray that you'll be fine! you'll be able to catch up on your work for o levels! pray that you will be cured of hand foot mouth disease! pray that you wont be depressed! pray that the Lord will be with you!

oh dear! i realised that i never pray for myself! no wonder i'm so ): YEAH!

i pray that i will be okay! i pray that i will pass this test! i pray that i'll be strong! i'll be objective! i'll be clear-headed! i'll be a testimony for you! its been so long! (: but i still love you!

i dont wanna give up, and i'm not giving in. one step at a time. dont worry, TWIN! i think i'll be okay after a while.

thank you kaiqi! (: thank you gurvin! thank you TWIN!

thank you for sitting in the courtyard and just staring in the sky with me. i really wish, that things wont just crumble on me, all at once. cos i'm not strong enough but with You, to give me a helping hand, i'll be able to help others too.

i really want to let go of all my troubles in the world. i dont even know what to do.

i run, run run to Your glory. focused on you. i'll finish the race, and fight the fight! i'll do it for You. just as You did it for me. (:

remove this burden. amen.