fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Friday, August 18,10:23 PM

bleah.

hey, ppl.
i feel so bored. lame-ed
lols. ok. anw, yesterday.
sorry for shocking all of you all. i didnt mean it. i was just overwhelmed by sadness. i realised that i was very naughty girl. I HEREBY declare that i am sorry that i eat in class to both YY and GA. i will also try to NOT eat in class, unless emergency. lols. sorry. only when i saw how serious she was abt us eating in class then i realised how naughty i was. i am sorry!

i was walking towards art room for art. yvonne was talking to her then i just joined in. she told us not to eat in class cos it was wrong. and finally after yvonne cleared my brain(by hitting my head),
i realised that i was sorry. and tears just welled up in my eyes. thank you for being so concerned. i really hope you dont go IP. pls. pls. i pray that she will not go IP.
anw, i am happy to announce that I NEVER eat in class today. during sci lesson, i turned back and whispered," i never eat in class today." and i suddenly felt happy.
thank GOD for teaching me a lesson. without learning to obey, i cannot do your works. " i am the vine and you are the branches. if a man remains in me and i in him, he will bear much fruit, apart from me, he can do nothing." thank YOU, LORD.
i am happy. my mummy woke up early to cook fried rice for me. (: yayness. the past few days, i spent so much money lor. on tues, we went to toa payoh, me, alyssa and vonn. we bought so many things. ahahahha. anw, we spent so much time begging alyssa to come to TP. lols. on wed, after CCA, we went to PP to eat hawker centre food. i am really afraid of OAC and LTC. i really am. all my life i have always hated camps. pls dont force me to go for one. i am really scared. i dont want to be alone.
on thurs, i went to vonn's hse with s.f. and alyssa. didnt really do much though. sigh.we went to BK market to eat. spend so much. today, went with PW after sch to eat KFC. 2pc chicken meal. i am BROKE!
very funny. today after sch. someppl from 2I chased us out from OUR classroom lor. sigh. esp. that someone who was so excited that *** is coming to class lol lar. anw, me and pw and alyssa played a few games and i nearly died. then after alyssa left, me and PW did nothing much but just crapping. then finally at around 4 plus, the party ended. SOMEONE came out very calm. then i said, " how? are you happy?" then she suddenly like broke down happyly. she like wanna collapse liddat. too excited liao. she was like, " i tell you what happened" lol lar, turned out her IDOL hugged her. omg.
anw, i think everyone in our family except PW has felt the love for our nation after art on wed lar.. mdm nur was so funny. she was like asking us to move the tables and chairs. so funny lar. anw, we were like singing national day songs although national day ended long time ago. omg.
I TOTALLY LOVE THE NATIONAL DAY IN CEDAR. CEDAR ROCKS TO THE END OF THE WORLD.
we sang together. with one heart and voice. we have become one. on that day. it was great!
so much to say, so little time. next time i shall talk more abt National Day in CEDAR.

Monday, August 7,6:05 PM

stresssed.

hi.
past weeks were tiring weeks. we had so many tests. and got back alot of test results. i feel very very very super-duper extremely disappointed with myself. i cant believe how much i got for all my tests. i cant believe i failed my chinese. why? why cant i ever get good grades like xy. why cant i have any talents. i feel so useless.
i am just so tired of being so lousy. shd i carry on taking higher chinese? i feel sick. why is everyone leaving for IP, even my best friend. why?!! i am just so afraid and unstable. i may seem indifferent and happy. but i am just trying. trying to understand. how come the world is like this. everyone always have to leave. i hate the IP programme. why must xy leave? my CCA is just great esp if everyone cooperates and helps wholeheartedly. xy, why must you leave? i feel like everyone is leaving me and i'm being left behind. or maybe i feel like i am forced to leave all of you. if i ever leave, i am sorry. just wanna let ya'll know you've made a difference in my life.
i wish life wasnt like this. why must everyone leave? why must it be this way? can you all be glad and stay in CEDAR? rmb the first cheer we learnt? C-E-D-A-R Cedar thats what we are. now everyone wanna leave. they get into IP and they say "YES!" and starts boasting. i hate it.
why do ppl in our club have AP? its so idiotic. why are they all so heck care. you know why our club is like this? its bcos of ppl like them. always heck care. CCA is to help you cultivate an interest in smtg and you all dont even bother to lift a finger. why? i wanna leave Cedar too. but it seems like its the same everywhere.
I hate this cruel world where we are struggling to survive. cant we just help each other out and be happy instead of trying to just to please YOURSELVES. it is a selfish and bitter world. i wanna go heaven. we tried so hard but it seem to make no difference at all. people took a glance laughed and walk away. stop it! why do you think we went to so much trouble to all these. just to make you stop thinking of CMC as a dumping ground. this is no dumping ground. just bcos other CCAs dont want you. dont come to ours. ours rock kae..
sigh. i wasnt like this last term. only this term. i try to be happy but its no difference. everyone is just trying to survive and i have no right to stop it.
I HEREBY OPENLY DECLARE THAT I HATE SATAN FOR PUTTING EVIL INTO OUR HEARTS AND MINDS. it is DISGUSTING.
i am so discouraged.
i hate this earthly world.
why?! why must we sin?
why is it so hard to abstain from sinning?
why do i have the EVIL survival instinct in me to hurt everyone i love?
why do i always feel a sense of doubt?
why do i keep feeling someone is going to betray me and hurt me?
why do i feel so wrapped up?
i wanna show GOD's love to everyone around me!
the church camp was very refreshing and put in my heart a calling for God. i must spread his word.
My prayer for today:
Dear Lord,
i thank you for putting this seed in me that i may grow spiritually.
i pray that you will replenish my energy to spread your word.
i pray that you may evangelise to my friend through me.
i pray that i will not fall to temptation.
i pray that i will not be childish but fully matured in my actions and thinking but yet be innocent from the earthly and dirty world around me.
i pray for my friends and all my relatives and loved ones. pls show yourself in their lives.
pls pls.
thank you for putting into my heart a CONSUMING FIRE.
i thank you that you are my GOD on high, the King of all kings and the Lord above all others.
thank you for my life, and my family.
thank you for letting me live in this wonderful family. and WONDERFUL parents. i am sorry for arguing and fighting with you.
i pray that you may put in me the 9 fruits of the holy spirit.
thank you for your mercy and your love. thank you for allowing me to see the world in your awesome wonders.
i need NO miracles cos everyday is a living miracle itself.
you are truly MY almighty GOD. i offer myself to you.
AMEN.

i am sorry for being so blue today. just that i looked at my messy life the past few years wthout God. and it is very messy.
it is like a garden without a gardener. sheep without a sheperd.

in any case i am truly happy now. THANK GOD! (: