fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Tuesday, February 28,6:40 PM

i'm sorry

wah lau. this few days keep being so late lor.. i was late for CCA for like.. 5 min. only lar.. now i have to write a reflection.. i really didnt mean to. i know this sounds stupid. but i lost track of time.. therefore i was late. but what other excuse do i have?? haiyo.
you were so tired so sad yest. i am so sorry. i will become more dong shi. i will not vie for attention. i just wanna let you know i care. it broke my heart to see you so sad. i just wished i could help.. i felt so useless. i wish i could just tell them off for making you stressed. but all this sadness and stress was taken for my sake. our sakes. such love can only be shown through GOD by ppl like you.. GOD's almighty love.. thank GOD for you.. i love you forever.you too. you were so nice and patient. thanks. you made her know you cared.. she must have felt better. thks. i love both of you. (:
i am so piled up with homework.
i am suffocating.

6:40 PM

i dun care if you block me..

great.. someone blocked me.. rebecca, you arh.. tell me for what?! hmpf.. now i so angry.. but.. why shd i be angry? i dunno. so i am lyke angry for nothing.. angry for someone blocking me = angry for what? = angry for nothing.. so diao.. haiyo.. actually quite happy de lor.. hmpf.. i wish i didnt care.. but i did..

HAHAHA. I JUST REALISED SMTG.. NOONE BLOCKED ME! HA! omgosh. I AM FEELING HIGH! NO ONE BLOCKED ME!

i dunno why i am so happy. i wish i wasnt.

i just dunno why i felt so stressed. for the first time in my life, i felt like a was just a big fat burden to pple. they could live w/o me but can i w/o them? sighs.. nothing is ever perfect.. sometimes, i wish an angel will just come and bring me along forever, escaped from all these pain. i know it wasnt intentional but it hurt; hurt deep... i wished you cared; you bothered; stop to see how i am and how i felt. this year is totally different to the last. and i wish you never came. you disrupted my life. i loved my home, my family, the times we had.. loved. why wasnt it love and not loved. sigh. nvm. onlyGOD understands.i love YOU. thank you for being there for me.. you are my true friend and saviour.

tests and more tests again. i cant stand it. there is so many. countless. i wish ppl will just stop throwing tantrums at me. and i am VERY SORRY for throwing mine. i am really.

i just wanna be happy and free.

not the person i am pretending to be.

i dun wanna be mean.

but pls stop taking advantage of me..

i thought you were a true friend but i was wrong.

i dont wanna point you out.

i just wished you understood.

pls dont force me to do things i dont wanna do.

i know i was not firm and was soft.

i will not be the one losing out anymore.

i just hope you understand.

i am not a soft-shelled crab.

i am seriously turning bad.. i am starting to not like ppl. how?? i must be a good girl. i must love my peers. i must love everyone. i must be guai. however, there are too many rules to follow. i cant cope.i am scared. what if smtg happens. what if i do smtg wrong.why do i keep wanting to please pple? i know most ppl say that dont try to please everybdy. that its not possible. that you must feel happy. BUT i feel happy when i make ppl happy. but i cant make ALL ppl happy. i am at a loss. shd i be happy but be at a diadvantage or shd i be at the advantage but not be happy?

[gone for dinner]

...

[back from dinner]

ok lar.. not angry liao. haiyo.

why is it that when i am really angry, i cannot use com. and blog abt it. but by the time, i can use it, i am not angry liao??!!

btw, thks for caring.. love ya, sis. (: muaks.

hahahas.today was a bad day. i woke up at 6.10am. i norm. wake up at 6.05am. aunty tried making a lunchbox for me to save money. failed. i still spent $1.80. i got up and found out i got BAD sore throat. didnt wan to talk. i rushed to sch. waited at bus stop for abt 15 min. bus finally came. got up bus, saw a sec 1 cedarian. we were late. i was scared. when i reached foyer, no one was there except 2 prefects and a tcher. the flag raising was over. i was so embarrassed. i had nvr been late for an unvalid reason. they issued me a late slip. i think the prefect that helped me fill in the form was nice. i gave it to ms wan to sign. she asked me why i was late. i told her, 'cos i woke up late' she gave me a diao face and joked, ask thng gin wake you up. then i was like huh?!!! then i walked away. during geog, she asked us to clear the newspapers at the back of the class. she noticed my HUGE pile of newspaper. she asked me smtg abt garung guni. i didnt know what she said so i just nodded my head. then she gave me that diao face again. she is sho cute. hahahahas. her face brightens up my day. and pls lar.. i am straight. then during sci. to cut the celery thingy, me, xinying, yiwen and thng gin were talking. thng gin is nice and funny. she is cute too. thng gin = nice + funny +cute. ms wan = nice + funny + cute. therefore, ms wan + thng gin = good friends!! (:hahahaahahahs.

i am starting to gain an interest in photography. yay. but mr chan says that i am quite good at jumping and shot-put. and i have always wanted to join a sports CCA. shd i PURSUE MY INTERESTS or MY DREAMS?

i am filled with doubt.

i am filled with confusion.

i am filled with sadness.

Thursday, February 23,8:47 PM

ending of term 1!

hello, all. like i have promised, i will blog and not let my second webbie be dead! aahahahahhas. so here i am tagging.. actually, i shouldn't be blogging cos tmr got hist. common test.. hehehe. but anw, there is at least one test every week so... I DUN CARE! okok.. actually, i've been feeling very stressed this few days bcos of kou tou bao gao.. we keep pacing in front of the staff room lar.. eversince this mon/tue(i cant rmb), we morning before flagraising go there, after flag-raising go there, during recess go there, after sch go there.. and what do we do there? open up the tchers' mailtrays. lol lar. so funny. most of the time we go there, will see ms kong.. she must be thinking we are mad lar.. hahahahs. while the rest of the tchers' think we are going to bomb the staff room or steal the stuff in their mail trays..
you seriously need to chill.. relax ok? i hope you are really ok. i am really concerned.. i will be here for you..
i love this chinese show i am watching right now. it is called lu zheng xin ren wang. it is chao nice lor.. i like le bin for his character in the show.. but i like wei ming cos he is chao shuai. hahahhahs. ok..
i wanna watch liao.. bye.

Friday, February 17,8:01 PM

MY FIRST POST.

hello, ppl reading my blog. welcome to the opening ceremony of my NEW bloggie. the previous one was not updated for centuries. Therefore, i made a NEW bloggie! YAY. hahahahahs. ok... nvm. anw, i wasn't very happy when i made this blog(due to some quarrels wif maid and dad) so most of the stuff here is chao DEPRESSING. so if you feel that you are a hopeless depression-ist, then dun read my bloggie. believe meee, it wun cheer you up.. hahahahas.
wow, its already the second month liao lor.. so fast, another term will be over.. then another.. then another... then another.... soon, it would be time to say, 'byeee...' wahwah.. dun wanna leave this wunderful class. i hope i can get into triple science.. it would be cool.. hahahahahs. but i dun like dissecting things up. its so cruel lar.. poor things... ok anw, the main reason for wanting to go to triple science class is becos most ppl in 2I wanna go.. so i pei ta men qu.. hehe.
i hope wang lao shi gets to teach me.. she is very very nice lor.. she is very helpful and cheerful too, always ready to help those in need. she is also very friendly and chao cute. (: she is my gu gu and alyssa, suet far and evon's. she is also peiwen's, rebecca's, shi xuan's and zoey's mummy.
just to tell u ppl more abt our family, ms png is my mummy, Aonan is our grandmum, ** ***'s mother. ** *** is my dad and also jiu jiu. dun ask me how this is possible. i oso dunno. hahaha.
i os0 hope that mr lim will teach me, or mrs gay. both very very nice and are very very good tchers. yeah! they rarely scold.
but anw, i generally think that ALL cedar tchers rawks and are very very nice. did you see the excited look on ms ng's face when we told her what our IPW project was abt. she is very very cute too. (: did you know that ms kong is a ex-cedarian too? and she was the head-prefect! aaahhh. cannot be naughty during hist. lesson. no lar.. actually i very guai wan.. (haha. i can picture rebecca, zoey and evon throwing rotten tomatoes at me as i say this..) i got ting ke.. (: yeah. good girl, right? (:
i miss lotsa things.. i miss laughing (at?) ms png, i miss toking to wls, i miss doing mr lim's maths sums, i miss listening to mrs gay's ghost stories, i miss seeing ms loh's smile, i miss ashwini's wide smile too, i miss swarupa's laughter, i miss leanne's tallness. I MISS EVERYONE!
i am very scared. i dunno what will happen on the last day of sec 2. i dun wanna leave. i dun wan. i would rather give you a million dollars than leave 2I.. pls dont leave. dun pang-seh me(leave me alone)!
btw, for ppl that dunno, i am baptised! ha!
i wish i could have a change of tchers. the tcher i dun like keep nagging, saying that the projector this and that.. ): if she was not that fussy, i would have liked her.. she oso nvr prepare for lessons. so sad.. i hope she change..
haiyo.. yi zhuan yan, it is 11.38 pm le.. so fast lor..
i haven't even finshed zuo wen. tmr, evon coming to my house to study then s.f. coming at 2 or 3, then sindhu come latest and we do IPW proposal.. (: yeah. poor alyssa got CCA cannot come.. ):
okok. byess.