fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Wednesday, November 23,11:57 PM

really, God? Give thanks? Those are the verses you'd give to me right now while I'm upset and just so lost? Give thanks for his loving kindness is everlasting. (1st Chronicle 16:34)

This is painful but fine I shall obey. Ugh.

Thank you for this computer that I'm typing on.
Thank you that it has lasted me thus far and accompanied me through the ups and downs of jc life.
Thank you for being so everpresent even when I felt so hurt and so disappointed in people.
Thank you that you allowed reconciliation.
Thank you for the jokes we shared.
Thank you for all the times we poked fun at each other and had so much fun.
Thank you for the memories I had.
Thank you for Koon Han.
Thank you for his little messages that brighten my day, simply by asking how mine went.
Thank you that you have blessed me with such a caring friend.
Thank you for my little clique in JC that they've seen me through everything.
Thank you that in the end, I know everything still turns out okay.
Thank you because I know you bring forgiveness and grace.
Thank you for bringing me to SMU.
Thank you that you've allowed me to adjust so easily to this new environment.
Thank you for the friends you've blessed me with.
Thank you for my bible study group.
Thank you that we look out for each other and pray for each other.
Thank you for putting mentors in my life that inspire me to lead a God-centred life.
Thank you for Ying Jie.
Thank you that you've blessed me with her friendship and company.
Thank you for her direct and straightforwardness.
Thank you for letting her remind me of my oversensitivity.
Thank you that she cares about me.
Thank you for my friends.
Thank you for their patience with me as I continue to irritate them with my spamming.
Thank you for all the smiles they've put on my face.
Thank you that they have brought me such joy in SMU.
Thank you that I matter to you.

It's hard sometimes. So damn tough. I don't know who I am. Where's the joy? Where's the peace?

Why are you angry? Are you? Why? I hate this. Deja vu, damnit. Am I thinking too much again? So many things just running through my head right now. So many doubts. Not sure what to pen down. But at the point of time, I guess it doesn't matter. I guess it shouldn't.

I don't think I was actually giving thanks up there. Ended up just listing and not meaning it although they were all true.

Pissed off at myself these days. Am I really confused and frustrated or am I thinking too much and being an attention whore or something.

What the hell.

If being myself makes me an attention whore, then... crap. I'm such a mess. Maybe I need to take a break.

God. Please help me. Somehow. I'm not helping myself. I have no idea how to get out of this one.