fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Sunday, October 23,6:34 PM

I am frustrated and irritated.

Why the hell is there such a fuss over such a small thing like a cup of half-finished bubble tea worth $1.80. Seriously.

Someone told me to throw it and so I did. It was squashed up into the side door of the car, of course people would assume that the drinker wouldn't want it anymore. Who knew that Joshua would want it? Like seriously, wth. How would I know that I'm expected to bring it up for him and dump it into the fridge. The ice would melt and the drink would taste gross anyway what.

And I just got majorly scolded for that. What not taking care of my brother. What being spiteful towards him seriously. Writing this just pisses me off and makes me so upset. They somehow deduced from there that I don't spend money wisely cause I said it's just a half-finished cup of drink worth less than $1.80! What the. Then they started saying how I got too much money now. WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS. Slippery slope, I swear. ARGH.

But I'm so frustrated. When they accuse me of so many things at once of course I'd get defensive and upset. Why would I intentionally do this to Joshua? I mean, I love him so much la. Why would I want to make him sad. But obviously, who knew what he wanted me to do with it lah. ._. He didn't even tell me to put it into the fridge for him. And I'm just supposed to ASSUME that?!?! Oh what on earth.

It's been such a long time since I've felt angry and disappointed at my family. And its seriously stupid. Such a small matter. Sigh.

And I am retarded. There I was, sobbing into my pillow and thinking how I can show my anger at my family. HAHAHA. Ignore them and not talk for a few weeks. Refuse to come out of my room. Delete my Facebook and all forms of communications. LOL. Okay I r retarded. Then later I realized that I'll never do it la please...

Sigh, so upset though honestly. Why are they so angry!!!! How am I to know... I mean, it IS just a cup of bubble tea right? ._. What's the big deal. Just make another drink or something!!! I don't know. ._.

Obviously I would never do it to Joshua right. I mean he's like so cute. And nice. And gentlemanly. (By the way he recently took to carrying stuff for me cause he claims he's a gentleman) HAHAHA HOW CUTE RIGHT. <3 Sigh.

Just so tired of it all. SO MANY SMALL MATTERS. -.- Why must you go pick everything up and go fight with all of us! It just spoils the atmosphere and roar, makes people upset. Why is there this contention.

You know I love our family. It's very clear. I do. Can you just not try to nitpick all the small issues? Seriously.

And right now, I just hear that voice scolding someone again. >:( What the heck.

AIYAH. WAI LIKE THAT. :(

So much frustration now. I don't know what I'm doing. Like seriously. I know later I'll just go apologize and make everything right again. And feel bad about ranting here. Which reminds me. Ah, what the hell. Does it seriously matter? There's always this self-moderation. You'll never be able to really fully do what you really want to do.

I just. Argh. Help me.

Sorry. I know I need to moderate my life by your standards and it's the best thing for me. And in the end I'll be glad that I didn't make any rash decisions and destroy any relationships. But right now when I'm feeling the pressure and the frustration and all the emotions, ITS JUST FREAKING DIFFICULT AND IRRITATING ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like ignoring your commandment to honor our parents. I feel like just heck-caring anything. Snapping back at everyone. >:( But what's the point. You know you'll regret it later. Meh.

I am totally monologuing HAHAHAHA. Oh wells. Okay la, at least I'm done ranting and I'm no longer upset. Sian. I hate crying leh. >:( Like some weak person. Need to stop crying everytime I'm upset. Doesn't make any sense. Okay wait, what am I talking about. Oh sian. Idk.

I feel like going out of the house though. Feel v restricted here. But I don't know where else to go. I love my home. I love the people in it. I love the food in it. (Hehehehehe.)

I need to do my AW. :( I have a Bizlaw presentation tmr. Crap. ._.

I miss talking nonsense to Koonz. I hope we go out again soon. It's fun to be retarded. Hahahaha. Yay my lil' bro bro. Make me smile. :D

I'm v happy nao. I like my friends. They make me happy. I mean, those that do at least.

Some make me feel upset. :/ Ah what the heck.

I miss my JC friends. :( Wai dei sou faaaaaaaaah. :(