fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Thursday, May 31,12:43 AM

Tonight was a night of failures. But yet it also marked the start of many changes to come. (:

And so it all started with my over-eagerness in getting my parents to allow to go for an exchange. I'd been working hard or rather planning to work myself dry in order to earn at least 5K by the end of Summer. It seemed to me that the only thing standing between me and my dream to go overseas was my parents. Too focused on what I wanted.

The issue escalated and the arguments followed. Dad walked away (to sleep) and Mum was irritated. Oops. Not the best idea, after all.

Well, I probably have the best Mum in the world seriously. And so she was patient with me and talked to me nicely and explained to me. I never realized how different her generation was from mine. It was never important for them to have eye contact when conversing. And it never occurred to me how asking them to 'listen' or 'hear us out' appeared to be rude to them. Guess in the past, it was always the kids listening to the parents and not the other way.

I then realized tonight, how difficult it is to be a good mum, how difficult it is to be patient with your children who are always getting on your nerves and wanting their way.

Then I realized how difficult it is to be a good wife as well! Having to mediate between your children and your husband, needing to be patient and gentle with the male ego so as not to bruise his fragile pride, needing to be supporting him all the way through. Eh I also realized it might be quite difficult to find a good husband, HAHA. Like really need to find someone who will always be willing to pray things through and stay until the end to make sure that we resolve our differences gradually. Being committed would be one of the most important things, I suppose. Being committed to make the marriage work. Hmm, sounds like its gna be quite a rough but fulfilling journey! Haha.

And through it all, after everything, my mum reminded me that it might be God's hand in this, that He's teaching me patience, He's teaching me that I can't always demand my own way and demand that others see things from my perspective. He's teaching me how to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good mum a good wife, and most importantly, how to be a good and pleasing child of God. He is training my humility and reminding me not to be prideful. I feel the Spirit telling me to let go of my anxieties, my worries that I don't have the money for exchange, that I don't have time for others because my summer job is a full 13 hour shift. I know what I'll do. I'll commit it all to God.

Dear Father, once again I thank you for my awesome parents, thank you for my mum's great faith in you and thank you for drawing me back to you. Thank you that even in the midst of my confusion, you are there to make things all make sense. All this exhaustion, all these worries and fears that are self-imposed, please take them away and in place fill me up with your joy and your spirit. Awaken my spirit, that it may sing songs of praise unto you every morning. (: Thank you for your sovereignty and control in my every situation. I know that even if things don't go as I planned, even if I can't go for exchange, you have promised me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) and you said that all things work for good (Romans 8:28) and I trust in your plan for me. I want to seek you all my life, and I thank you that you make it possible. Thank you for the freedom now that I know I don't have to be enslaved to this terrible 13-hour shift summer job plan. Thank you for the indescribable gratefulness I feel bubbling within me. Heheheheh. And before I get too carried away as well, I just want to ask for forgiveness. Sorry, Father for all the things I've done wrong, all the terrible things I've thought towards others and the meanness that I feel sometimes. Give me the sensitivity to other's feelings, that I may not offend or hurt the people around me. But rather, let me be like a soothing cream to use your words to soothe the pain they may feel or the confusion they have. I want to be an amazing testimony to your name, I want to give you all the glory you deserve, I want to please you all the days of my life. And I pray that you may always show me this grace and mercy and draw me back to you if ever I wander off again.

For all those times you stood by me,
For all the truth that you made me see,
For all the joy you brought to my life,
For all the wrongs that you made right,
For every dream you made come true,
For all the love I found in you,
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up, never let me fall.
You're the one who saw me through, through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak,
You were my voice when I couldn't speak,
You were my eyes when I couldn't see,
You saw the best there was in me.
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach,
You gave me faith cause you believed.
I'm everything I am because you loved me.

You were always there for me,
the tender wind that carried me.
A light in the dark shining your love into my life.
You've been my inspiration,
through the lies you were the truth,
My world is a better place because of you.