fairytale/

Fairytale, really?
but it was never meant to be a fairytale. life's not perfect, life has its ups and its downs. what we have is more than a perfect story. we have a lifestory.

in life there's sure to be sorrow and disappointments. but its the darkness that makes the moon and stars shine brighter. and we know that through it all, we can trust that God's there for us. lighting up our life paths even at its darkest hours. bringing us unfathomable joy.
because He himself is Hope.

so here, trachelizo (v):
Laid bare and exposed.
each chapter, each episode recording genuine feelings and thoughts as a Child of God goes through the rollercoaster of life. and how the Grace of God still leaves her amazed and humbled, each time.

soaking prayer worship music

Tuesday, February 28,6:40 PM

i dun care if you block me..

great.. someone blocked me.. rebecca, you arh.. tell me for what?! hmpf.. now i so angry.. but.. why shd i be angry? i dunno. so i am lyke angry for nothing.. angry for someone blocking me = angry for what? = angry for nothing.. so diao.. haiyo.. actually quite happy de lor.. hmpf.. i wish i didnt care.. but i did..

HAHAHA. I JUST REALISED SMTG.. NOONE BLOCKED ME! HA! omgosh. I AM FEELING HIGH! NO ONE BLOCKED ME!

i dunno why i am so happy. i wish i wasnt.

i just dunno why i felt so stressed. for the first time in my life, i felt like a was just a big fat burden to pple. they could live w/o me but can i w/o them? sighs.. nothing is ever perfect.. sometimes, i wish an angel will just come and bring me along forever, escaped from all these pain. i know it wasnt intentional but it hurt; hurt deep... i wished you cared; you bothered; stop to see how i am and how i felt. this year is totally different to the last. and i wish you never came. you disrupted my life. i loved my home, my family, the times we had.. loved. why wasnt it love and not loved. sigh. nvm. onlyGOD understands.i love YOU. thank you for being there for me.. you are my true friend and saviour.

tests and more tests again. i cant stand it. there is so many. countless. i wish ppl will just stop throwing tantrums at me. and i am VERY SORRY for throwing mine. i am really.

i just wanna be happy and free.

not the person i am pretending to be.

i dun wanna be mean.

but pls stop taking advantage of me..

i thought you were a true friend but i was wrong.

i dont wanna point you out.

i just wished you understood.

pls dont force me to do things i dont wanna do.

i know i was not firm and was soft.

i will not be the one losing out anymore.

i just hope you understand.

i am not a soft-shelled crab.

i am seriously turning bad.. i am starting to not like ppl. how?? i must be a good girl. i must love my peers. i must love everyone. i must be guai. however, there are too many rules to follow. i cant cope.i am scared. what if smtg happens. what if i do smtg wrong.why do i keep wanting to please pple? i know most ppl say that dont try to please everybdy. that its not possible. that you must feel happy. BUT i feel happy when i make ppl happy. but i cant make ALL ppl happy. i am at a loss. shd i be happy but be at a diadvantage or shd i be at the advantage but not be happy?

[gone for dinner]

...

[back from dinner]

ok lar.. not angry liao. haiyo.

why is it that when i am really angry, i cannot use com. and blog abt it. but by the time, i can use it, i am not angry liao??!!

btw, thks for caring.. love ya, sis. (: muaks.

hahahas.today was a bad day. i woke up at 6.10am. i norm. wake up at 6.05am. aunty tried making a lunchbox for me to save money. failed. i still spent $1.80. i got up and found out i got BAD sore throat. didnt wan to talk. i rushed to sch. waited at bus stop for abt 15 min. bus finally came. got up bus, saw a sec 1 cedarian. we were late. i was scared. when i reached foyer, no one was there except 2 prefects and a tcher. the flag raising was over. i was so embarrassed. i had nvr been late for an unvalid reason. they issued me a late slip. i think the prefect that helped me fill in the form was nice. i gave it to ms wan to sign. she asked me why i was late. i told her, 'cos i woke up late' she gave me a diao face and joked, ask thng gin wake you up. then i was like huh?!!! then i walked away. during geog, she asked us to clear the newspapers at the back of the class. she noticed my HUGE pile of newspaper. she asked me smtg abt garung guni. i didnt know what she said so i just nodded my head. then she gave me that diao face again. she is sho cute. hahahahas. her face brightens up my day. and pls lar.. i am straight. then during sci. to cut the celery thingy, me, xinying, yiwen and thng gin were talking. thng gin is nice and funny. she is cute too. thng gin = nice + funny +cute. ms wan = nice + funny + cute. therefore, ms wan + thng gin = good friends!! (:hahahaahahahs.

i am starting to gain an interest in photography. yay. but mr chan says that i am quite good at jumping and shot-put. and i have always wanted to join a sports CCA. shd i PURSUE MY INTERESTS or MY DREAMS?

i am filled with doubt.

i am filled with confusion.

i am filled with sadness.